The Famous Date Rape Story
This might be the most famous drinking story I’ve ever had.
It is the night before Memorial Day and everyone from work went out to a bar in Brunswick (Ohio).
My work friends have long since caught on to my ways…I try to get them to buy me drinks when they are drunk. Since no one really bought me drinks anymore, and I didn’t want to waste my money on alcohol, I decided it would be a good idea to FIND my drinks.
Yes, I thought it would be a good idea to drink random abandoned drinks I found in the bar.
After a few drinks, I hit the fucking wall. I mean WHAM I hit the wall. I had never felt so drunk so quick. I was out of control at the bar, humping the jukebox and licking people’s hair. Eventually I got transported back to Smashley’s Apartment with most of the rest of our work friends for the after party.
I was wasted beyond belief. I just wanted to crawl away and sleep but it was hard to move. I was overheating dramatically. I eventually mustered the strength to crawl outside onto their patio. My friend Bill was outside smoking.
“Dude, they’re coming after you with markers.”
But I couldn’t move. I wasn’t passed out either. All I could do was lie there. I wanted to try and make an escape attempt and crawl into the bushes, but I couldn’t move. And they came with markers. Fist-fulls of markers. The horror.
I spent several hours in a state of semi consciousness lying on the ground of the house. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t open my eyes. But I was aware of things going on around me. It was weird.
The next day I wake up an absolute mess. It was, by far, the worst hangover I had ever experienced.
But it just didn’t add up. First of all, I only had a few drinks. And second, even if someone I got that wasted, I would have recovered much quicker. And third, it was such a weird state of being. I was aware but couldn’t open my eyes or move. It took a great deal of effort to move.
So a day later at work I was telling everyone my theory. And I kept coming to the same conclusion. That I was drugged at the bar.
I jokingly asked one of the hostesses at work (who was going to nursing school) if she would take a sample of my urine to class to examine it. I expected her to roll her eyes and scoff. Surprisingly, she readily accepted.
So I went to the bathroom with a To-Go Soup Container (I work in a bar) and provided a sample. We put it on ice and left it in the backseat of her car.
Sure enough, she texts me the next day: My urine tested positive for a heavy sedative drug that is commonly used as a date rape. I was date raped drugged.
Some people tell me that I inadvertently saved someone that night from something terrible. Hmmm that might be true, but the Rapist of Brunswick is still out there. Girls, be careful! This can happen to anyone!
While I wasn’t actually raped, I was in a way. Remember when I couldn’t move and they were coming with markers? They also had a camera….
