Shot-toberfest
It was annual Berea Octoberfest. You know, lots of old school German ladenhosen, dancing, and beer. Lots of beer. We came as a big group; with Lynzard, Smashley, Dustin, Jackie, Lindsay, Michelle, Jess K, Vince, and Toplek. And the more you drink, like a horror movie, the more people from your original group you lose.
Over the next few hours of heavy consummation of almost-free alcohol, I lose everyone but Lindsay, Michelle, and Jess K.
We stumble into a German Dance Hall, with lots of old people doing waltzes. So Michelle and I tried to create our own waltz; it was very obnoxious, drunk, sloppy, and loud. LOUD. We got kicked out of the dance hall.
In my drunken wisdom, we decided we weren’t going to take this lying down. Being too loud??? We’ll show you too loud!!!
Next thing we know Lindsay is running through the dance hall screaming and ringing a cowbell as loud as she could. And no one could catch her because everyone was old. Take that society!
Then after, came shot and shot after delicious shot.
Eventually things are shutting down, and everyone is wasted besides the responsible Jess K. I let her drive my car, because wasted, we decide to go to another bar.
Meanwhile, Lindsay and I get into huge fight in the backseat of the car with her giant jumbo bag of popcorn. The bag explodes and sends popcorn over every square inch of my car.
At the next bar, Jess K gets a ride home from her boyfriend. Michelle gets a ride home from her boyfriend. Lindsay also thinks it would be a good idea for me to drive and circle the parking over and over again so she can throw things at Michelle through my sunroof as she waits for her ride.
I pull out of the parking lot and see a cop lurking. The sirens come on. I almost pee myself. I breathe deep as if somehow it will make me more sober. I regret everything and in a flash of inspiration, realize that in my state I could have seriously hurt myself, or worse, someone innocent with my intoxicated state of driving.
The cop pulls over the person behind me.
Inspiration instantly fades. I am invincible. I regret nothing. Motley Crue’s Girls Girls Girls comes on my CD player. We are going to the strip club. I get drunker and Lindsay sobers up. She drives us to Steak and Shake. I have little-to-no-memory of this.
Lindsay then drives me back to her car. She refuses to drive me all the way home, twenty minutes in the opposite direction of her home, to my probably angry girlfriend she’s never met. Instead, Lindsay calls Smashley so she can dump me off at her place down the street.
In My Mind. We get to Smashley’s Apartment. I knock a few times on the door and she does not answer. I got back to Lindsay and tell her. Eventually Smashley answers the door.
What Really Happened, Apparently. We get to Smashley’s Apartment. I barely even touched the door, and instant turn to Lindsay and get pissed that she’s not home. I fall sloppily into her arms and she has to escort me inside.
In My Mind. I crawled up the landing. My girlfriend calls me wondering where I am and if I need a ride. I explain to her that I’m kind of drunk and I’m going to sober up then drive home. Before I can finish my phone died. Knowing she is already worried, immediately I tell Smashley to call her on her phone. My girlfriend comes and picks me up.
And, Again, What Really Happened, Apparently. I crawled up the landing completely wasted. My girlfriend calls me wondering where I am because we were supposed to meet for dinner at Applebee’s thirty minutes ago. I tell her I’m on my way home. Before I can finish my phone died. Knowing she is already going to kick my ass, it takes me almost twenty minutes to realize that Smashley should call her on her phone. In the meantime, my girlfriend calls me at leaves me several panic-striken and threatening voicemails, and calls basically anyone in her phone that might have a clue about my whereabouts. While waiting for my ride, Smashley laughs and laughs because she knows I am going to be killed by my girlfriend. My girlfriend arrives, orders me to my feet, and drags me to the car. I cry, I mean, I am litterally weeping like a newborn the whole ride home and beg for her not to kill me.
Thankfully she spares my life. In an unrelated note, can you believe that we aren’t together anymore?
